The Quiet Love of Being Chosen "Sampai Tua Nanti"

I am deeply blessed to have a husband who is genuinely willing to learn how to be both a husband and a father. He is not perfect, and duhh, neither am I.

My previous post was about learning to recognise the woman I am becoming. This one, this time around, is about recognising the man who is making space for that woman to breathe and exist, even whilst we're both learning how to be parents. 

I intentionally mentioned his role as a “husband” then his “father” duty becauuuuuse!

At first, this baffled me. In fact, it made me so mad. Like really mad! I was genuinely upset, and in the middle of all that madness, I asked him, “WHY?”

I mean, how could youuuu?

He is our son. He is so tiny, so reliant on us. Surely, he should come first in everything?

And then my husband answered:

“I know you’re going to take care of him and do everything you can for him. So I choose you first, even sampai tua nanti.”

It took me a while to step back and understand what my husband was trying to do. And when it finally clicked, I was genuinely mesmerised by the way he thinks. He knows that I will instinctively put our son before almost anything else in this world, even at the expense of my own sanity and rest. My maternal instinct is to pour every drop of myself into our baby, narrowing my entire focus down to his needs.

But my husband sees something else, too. He sees that my cup is constantly emptying. And so, he quietly steps beside me and prioritises me, making sure I am supported, heard, and cared for before I run completely dry. Oh, and he also cooks good food! Kitchen what? HAHAHA! 

But jokes aside, I am beginning to understand why he thinks that way. 

So basically he isn’t overlooking our child. He is simply making sure that, whilst I am busy caring for our little one, someone is reminding me that I need care, too.

Watching my husband learn, adapt, and grow into his role as a father, whilst continuing to choose me as his wife, is a blessing I never want to take for granted.

Perhaps this is something I am only beginning to understand about marriage and parenthood. Sometimes, loving our child means loving the person who takes care of him, too.

And sometimes, the quietest expressions of love are the ones that remind us we haven't been forgotten.

Whilst I am busy being Mami to Idris, Baba reminds me that I am still his wife, too. That beyond the feeding, the caring, the worrying, and the million little things that come with motherhood, I am still the woman he wants to choose.

Motherhood may take up most of my day, but it doesn't erase the wife in me. And sometimes, all it takes is Baba choosing to see me beyond being Mami to remind me of that.

Even sampai tua nanti.

And perhaps that is what makes this love so precious to me. Not that he has to carry everything for me, or that I have to carry everything for our family, but that we are learning to care for one another whilst we figure out this whole marriage-and-parenthood thing together.

Because somewhere between becoming Mami and learning how to raise our son, I am also learning how to receive love without feeling that I must first exhaust myself to deserve it. And I think that is a beautiful thing to learn.

P/s: Thank you so much, sayang, for cooking good food! Bersihkan our bulus, doing chores whenever I felt so exhausted! Bersihkan my bag cuz it's like a Recycle Bin bag HAHAHA! Belikan snacks tengah-tengah malam, lepak mamak bawah rumah dengan mata dah bengkak nangis HAHAHAH! I will remember all these. I laf you!